A New Year Reset

During a recent visit with my daughter and son-in-law I casually mentioned that I was having trouble updating my  iPhone. "No problem," my daughter said. "Josh can help you with that. He loves technology." A little warning bell went off in my mind that the wonderful relationship I have with my son-in-law might be jeopardized if he started probing into my technological limitations and realized how lame his mother-in-law really is.

You see, my iPad, iPhone and laptop are like self-destructive weapons in my hands. No doubt any Malware on my computer entered through a door that I opened myself.  I have a love/hate relationship with my equipment; and, if they could talk, I'm sure the iPad, iPhone and laptop would say the feeling is mutual.

However, I was desperate for help so I asked Josh to come to my electronic rescue. Within just a few minutes, we both knew we were in trouble when he began asking questions.

• When was the last time you updated your phone? [I can't remember the last time]
• How did these other programs start running on your computer? [Ummm - what programs?]
• What happened to ITunes? [Why? Is it gone?]

His diagnosis and recommendations: (1) If your phone doesn't update, we may have to reset it, which means you might lose some data. I'm sure you've saved everything to the Cloud, right? [gulp] (2) Somehow unknown programs have invaded your computer. Some of them are pretty stubborn. We need to do some uninstalling. Just be careful from now on, o.k.? (3) Your phone is updated through ITunes. And, since ITunes has somehow been deleted from your computer, we need to reinstall it.

It was a long, arduous process with several glitches along the way. I noticed he used his properly-running equipment to make queries and searches for information so my equipment could function with equal ease.

Later that evening I enjoyed my updated phone and faster-running computer, and I blessed Josh for his concern and patience. But, apparently he wasn't satisfied. A couple of days later he and my daughter presented me with a brand new laptop. He spent another day transferring data from my old "relic" to the new laptop punctuated with periodic warnings about unknown and uninvited malicious programs that can cause more harm than good.

It's amazing the effect a brand new shiny laptop has on how a person performs and thinks. Suddenly I find myself being extremely careful with how I use it, especially making sure that nothing uninvited finds its way into my pristine machine.

You see, it was a gift and I want to treat it as such.

The new year may be a good time for a reset in life. Ponder this:

• When was the last time you let God update your mind? Can't remember? It's o.k. if some data gets lost in the renewal process. ("Be transformed by the renewing of your mind" Romans 12:2.)
• What unknown "programs" have invaded your life? God is the perfect antivirus to warn about and remove malicious software. ("[God] will protect me from trouble" Psalms 32:7.)
•  What happened to your "iTunes"? Let God reinstall your joy. ("He put a new song in my mouth" Psalms 40:3).

And if you think you're an old relic, God will perform a brand new work if you'll let Him. "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17.

You'll be amazed at how differently you'll think, talk and act. It's a gift. Enjoy it.

Happy NEW Year!

The Christmas Diet That Really Works!

Want to "think thin" this Christmas? Here's what one woman is doing to cut the fat.

Lisa Henderson is a blogging mom who trimmed down her family's Christmas when she and her husband decided to cancel Santa, stockings and gifts from their family's Christmas. Instead, her kids are writing letters to Santa, asking him to give their presents to kids who need them more. Lisa and her husband will be using money they would have spent on gifts towards service projects and giving gifts to others. Their motive: "To teach [our kids] the pleasure of giving rather than continuing to feed their childhood desire for more."

The Henderson's decision was inspired earlier this year when their children displayed ungrateful and disrespectful behavior. They warned their kids that if their behavior didn't change, there would be consequences. The results--the gift-receiving part of Christmas has been canceled.

The Hendersons have come under fire for their decision. Some people say they're being very unfair to their kids. "Christmas is all about gift-giving!" one critic opined. Another one chimed in,"Don't deprive your kids of the joy of opening gifts on Christmas morning."

May I go on record and say I whole-heartedly agree with the Hendersons. I applaud their efforts and wouldn't be surprised if this ends up being the best Henderson Christmas ever. Imagine years from now the Henderson kids sharing with their kids how Grandma & Grandpa Henderson taught them that the truer, deeper meaning of Christmas is about giving, not receiving. You see, the Henderson kids are in agreement with their parents' decision (a point the critics have missed or ignored).

If we were really honest, most of us would admit that Christmas has become a bit bloated, thanks to stress, overspending, family tension and pressure to meet unreasonable expectations. In fact, medical experts assert that the number of heart attacks dramatically increases during the holidays. When did Christmas become so unhealthy?

Here are five fat-busting ways to a leaner Christmas:

1. Set a low budget and stick to it.
2. Pay cash only. (You'll thank me for this in January when no credit card bills arrive.)
3. Don't ask people what they want for Christmas. Surprise them with only one very meaningful gift.
4. Reconcile with estranged family members and restore peace in your home.
5. Remember the real meaning of Christmas--it's not OUR birthday. It's HIS.

Trimming the excess Christmas "fat" just might be the way we can actually experience what Franz Gruber wrote in his song "Silent night, Holy night -- All is calm, All is bright . . . Sleep in heavenly peace."

Silence. Calm. Peace. I think we can all live with that. 

May you and your family have a healthy, skinny, unforgettable Christmas.

It's All About Me--Becoming Shrink-Wrapped

Every year our church opens its doors for a week as a warming center hosting the homeless. On a given night, we might serve anywhere from sixty to more than one-hundred individuals, providing two hot meals (dinner and breakfast) and a dry, warm place to sleep. Our guests arrive at 7 p.m. and leave by 7 the following morning.

Finding volunteers to assist with check-in, security, cooking and serving isn't difficult. In fact, neighboring churches offer their resources and local businesses are always generous with donations.
However, the first few years we ran the warming center, it was a challenge getting people to sign up for morning clean-up. The early shift requires arrival at the church by 6:30 a.m. and includes cleaning the eating area, mopping and vacuuming the floors and (ugh) scrubbing and disinfecting the bathrooms.

One morning I was working alone in the women's bathroom and discovered that someone had been sick the night before and left a mess. (Let your imagination run.) When it comes to cleaning up other people's messes, my stomach leans on the weak side, and this particular morning was no exception.

I pulled the bucket of hot water with strong disinfectant close to the bathroom stall and began to clean, trying my best not to gag. I prayed hard, asking God to give me strength to finish this very unpleasant task. Soon self-pity took over and I found some comfort in feeling sorry for myself. I even silently grumbled that no one else was helping me clean up the mess.

Within seconds, God corrected me. "Stop your pity-party," He seemed to say. "Why aren't you praying for the woman who is sick? You can go home, shower and change clothes. You can even throw your clothes away if you want. But this poor woman has no home. She will wander the streets all day until the warming center opens this evening."

God has a way with words, doesn't He? I was duly corrected and ashamed of myself. Here I was, supposedly serving other people, but I was making it all about me. His rebuke was exactly what I needed to finish the job. As I emptied the bucket of water, I prayed for the safety and healing of the woman who really needed a touch from God that day.

Self-focus knows how to skew our vision so we don't see the needs of others, and we forget why we're helping them in the first place. If we're not careful, self-focus can even overshadow the very presence of God in a situation. Maybe that's why John the disciple said, "He [Jesus] must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30).

This Christmas season, let's purpose to be "shrink-wrapped" so people will see less of us and more of God.

A View from the Dressing Room

This month I've been participating in a major musical production performing in six different locations. It's been a wonderful learning experience--especially in the dressing room that is shared by several dozen women and teen girls.

Being in six different locations means we are always learning a new layout of the land. One location might have a huge changing area while another has extremely limited space. For example, at a high school location, the women were relegated to share the band room as a changing area. We hung our costumes on music stands and waited our turns to use the full-length mirrors in the very small restroom located several hallways away.

At one theater, we were led to the basement and told to look for the room with our names on a list posted on the door. As I walked through the hall, I glanced into one room where around ten women sat comfortably putting on their stage makeup in front of lighted mirrors. Perfect, I thought to myself. We'll finally have a decent-sized space with some elbow room.

The door holding my name opened into a large space with some tables and chairs--sans mirrors. Around thirty women and teens carrying suitcases and garment bags jostled their way through the crowded room to find a semi-private space or a corner where they could change and put on make-up. It was chaotic, to say the least, but everyone tried to be as considerate as possible.

Suddenly the door jerked open and a woman, sporting a massive chip on her shoulder, barged in dragging her wheeled suitcase behind her. She took one look at the crowded room and loudly declared, "Where in the world am I supposed to change? This is ridiculous. I'm outta here." She did an about-face and exited the room, pulling her suitcase (and shoulder chip) clumsily out the door. (In a moment of show biz enthusiasm, I wanted to call out, "Break a leg!" but I resisted the temptation.)

Later during the performance I watched as she stood on the theater stage and sang angelically before a cheering crowd. Her platform appearance certainly didn't match her dressing room performance. She may have put on a good act for the audience, but credibility with the fellow-actors who saw her in the dressing room was lost.

The word hypocrite comes from the Greek word hypokrites, which means "stage actor or pretender."  If we're not mindful of what we do in private, what we do in public will soon be discovered as mere acting. And, it will end up costing us our integrity. I think that's too high a price to pay just to get our own way.

You know what they say: "The show must go on!" But remember--the real show begins in the dressing room, not on the stage.

 

Unified Harmony

Two psychologists, Jack Lipton from Union College and R. Scott Builione, a graduate student at Columbia University, conducted a study of sixteen major symphony orchestras to discover stereotypes and personality traits attributed by orchestra members to the other four major sections--percussion, string, brass and wind. (Visit www.princeton.edu/~artspol/art46.html to read more about the study.)  They presented their findings at a meeting of the American Psychological Association:

• The percussionists were viewed by other orchestra members as insensitive, unintelligent, hard-of-hearing, but fun-loving.
• String players were seen as arrogant, stuffy and unathletic.
• Brass players were described as "loud."
• Woodwind players seemed to be held in the highest esteem, described as quiet and meticulous, although a bit egotistical.

Interesting, isn't it, that the members of the orchestra were labeled according to the instrument they played. How fair is that? I know a lot of sensitive, intelligent percussionists. Our daughter plays strings, but she's far from arrogant and stuffy--although she is a bit unathletic. A former parishioner of ours played the [loud] trumpet professionally, but he was one of the most meek, subdued men you could ever meet. A good friend of mine plays a wind instrument. Yes, she is quiet and meticulous, but egotistical she's not.

So, how can such a divergent group come together to produce wonderful music? The psychologists concluded, "Regardless of how those musicians view each other, they subordinate their feelings and biases to the leadership of the conductor. Under his guidance, they play beautiful music."

Everyone plays a different part in the orchestra of life. Our similarities make us unified--our differences make us harmonized. Whether we are working with a team, serving on a committee or joining a group, we need to subordinate our feelings and biases so the end results will sound like music to all who hear.

A Sixty-Second Lesson

I saw a dog get hit by a car today. It was a horrible start to a Monday morning, and everything happened in a matter of seconds.

I was in the right lane of a five-lane road when I heard a voice on the other side of the street shout what sounded like, "Oh no!" Then came a thump. I thought the car next to me had run over some sort of debris. I looked in my side-view mirror in time to see a dog rolling across the lanes of traffic. All of the cars behind the accident stopped as the owner ran to rescue his pet. Some of the cars pulled over to the side to assist the dog owner. Sadly, the driver of the car that hit the dog just kept driving.

Realizing there was nothing I could do about the situation, I drove home in a somber frame of mind. Thinking back on the incident, I can see a lot of actors, actions and lessons in this sixty-second scenario:

• The pet: The poor little guy was just out for a brisk morning walk with his owner. Apparently he broke free from his leash and headed to where he thought the action was--five lanes of cars! The leash was his restraint, but it was also his protection. When we feel like we are being restrained, it could be for our own protection. Let's not be too quick to break free to run to something that could end up being very dangerous.
• The pet owner: He began his day with what was probably a routine dog walk. I'm sure seeing his dog hit wasn't on his list of things to do today. Life can blindside us with disappointments and hurts. No one is immune to challenging circumstances, but God has promised to help us in the day of trouble (read Psalms 46:1-3). 
• The casual observer: That would be me. After realizing what happened, I just kept driving as I observed through my side-view mirror. The images of what happened became smaller as the distance between myself and the accident became greater. After turning a corner, the entire situation was out of my sight. When we witness unfortunate circumstances, sometimes our first tendency is to not get involved. I rationalized that other cars were stopping to help, so what difference would it make if I turned back? Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference for the pet owner, but it would have made a difference to me knowing I had done everything I could to help. If we do everything we can, we won't have to second-guess ourselves--as I'm doing right now.  
• The active observers: All of the cars behind the accident stopped. I saw some pull over to the curb as drivers and passengers got out to help the pet owner. It was a very moving sight to witness. No doubt, the only regret those drivers have today is that they had to witness such a sad scene. I'm sure that not one of them regrets stopping to help.
• The oblivious driver: The guilty driver seemed totally unaware of what had happened. Did she even look in her rear-view mirror to see what happened? Apparently not. A few blocks away, she made a left turn at the light and went on with her day, completely oblivious to the chaos she left in her wake. It's easy to throw people under the bus when we don't take responsibility for our own actions. People can be seriously hurt from our thoughtlessness. Maybe we need to be more alert of what we do or say so we can avoid unnecessary injury. 

I've had better starts to my weeks. But, the silver lining is that the few-second tragedy this morning taught me a lot of lessons that will help me become a better person. I hope they help you, too.

Coming Of Age

My husband signed us up to attend a senior luncheon. Although I am technically a chronological "senior," I don't do senior anything. You can call it pride if you want, but I don't order off the senior menu, even if it means I might save a little money or get a free coffee. I'm willing to pay extra to hold on to the last shreds of my youth.

On the other hand, my husband, who started turning grey in his 30's, takes pride in his seniorship. Hence the speedy sign-up for the senior luncheon.

I enjoy hanging out with youth and young adults. They're energetic and fun and--well--they're youthful! They represent everything I love, and I respect them for it. New ideas? Great! Bring 'em. Perhaps that's the reason for my conflict. Seniors seem set in their ways, slow to move, impatient and resistant to new ideas. On the other hand, they represent stability, experience and wisdom.

How can the gap be bridged between generations?

1. Hang out with each other. Share your stories and gain respect for each other. Do you know a Viet Nam vet? Ask him about his years of service. Do you live next door to a college student? Find out his life's goals and encourage him to reach for the stars.

2. Try some reverse mentoring. Seniors can struggle with technology. Younger people would jump at the chance to show us how our thumbs can quickly dance over the phone keys so we can increase our text speed and amaze our grandkids. Seniors can also enjoy a quick texting tutorial so we know what LOL, SMH and other obscure abbreviations mean. In exchange, teach a younger girl how to make a pie crust from scratch or how to can tomatoes.

3. Recognize and respect the different frames of reference. Seniors look at life through a scope of five or more decades. No matter how strong the scent of mothballs, the younger generation should not pooh-pooh the senior whose default is, "I remember when . . ." or "Back in the day . . ."  Remember, seniors have experienced wars (and many rumors of wars) and have lived under numerous U.S. presidents (I've lived under the administration of twelve of the forty-four presidencies!) However, we seniors should remember that we were young once. Our smaller frames of reference contained a lot of enthusiasm and love for life. The last thing seniors should do is quench the flame of creativity and excitement carried by the younger generation.

4. Be flexible with each other. You would think that the broader the frame of reference, the greater the amount of flexibility. Unfortunately, seniors tend to resist change. And, younger people tend to invite change whether it's needed or not. Change is not a bad thing if it's done in the right way and at the right time.Think of how healthy our generational relationships would be if we could capture the energy of youth and blend it with the wisdom of seniors.

Bottom line: It's all about honoring and respecting each other regardless of age. 

So, I guess I need to honor my fellow-seniors and attend the luncheon. I'll do my best to enjoy it. After all, everyone at the table will have a compelling story to tell from a broad frame of reference. I'll go and act my age. And then I'll tweet about my experience.