Making Memories

This past weekend, our church celebrated its 75th anniversary. My husband has pastored the church for 25 of those 75 years. Our planning committee spent over a year contacting former church members (who were still among the living, of course), designing a fun program, and putting together details.

For months, my mind has dwelled in the past. I was raised in this church and I have a TON of remembrances to sort through. The thoughts from the past became current realities as people I hadn't seen in years converged on one weekend to celebrate the history of the church. The evening would be like a stroll through a meadow of memories.

For the most part, it turned out to be a really great weekend. You might ask what made it not-so-great. The people who represented unpleasant memories. Let me clarify. The people were great. The memories they evoked weren't.

As a teenager, I tended to be a little cocky--sort of a snotty know-it-all. I enjoyed putting people down and my words carried a sarcastic edge. Some people found me humorous, and that made me feel really cool. The more they egged me on, the more sarcastic I became. In retrospect, I cringe when I think of those teenage years. How did my youth leaders ever put up with me?

So, when my former youth leader (now in his late 70s) showed up at the anniversary celebration, I felt a tinge of guilt. To make matters worse, he and his wife sat at my table, directly across from me. Talk about awkward.

Throughout the evening, various people representing different decades shared their stories. It was mentally intoxicating, and I found myself  drifting back thirty and forty years to see things and hear sounds long forgotten.

Maybe it was the fragrance of the meadow of sweet memories that caused my mind to shift. I'm not sure what happened, but I was struck with a new awareness: If left untouched, regrets from the past can lead to more regrets in the future. I decided to "touch" the regret and have a long overdue conversation with my former youth leader.

As he was getting ready to leave, I cornered him and, looking him in the eye, said, "Thank you for your wonderful years of leadership over our youth group. I was a cocky teenager and don't know how you put up with me all that time. I'm so sorry. You invested a lot in us, and I appreciate everything you have done." He graciously shook my hand and spoke a blessing over my life.

That's a memory I can live with.

• What will you do today that will create a pleasant memory for someone else?
   
• Instead of letting unpleasant memories become a stumbling block, how can you turn them into stepping stones by learning from them?
 
• What regrets have you left untouched? What would happen if you decided to "touch" them?
 

 



Things I Learned from Thurlow Spurr

This year I am participating in a huge Christmas performance as a member of the 300-voice Michigan/Ohio choir, part of the ministry of Concert Ministries International. Although I love to sing and have been a choir director for years, I joined the CMI choir because I wanted to experience the leadership of a seasoned choir director. I have not been disappointed. Thurlow Spurr really knows his stuff.

This past weekend we were assigned our places on the risers. I'm in the top row, far right. As we positioned ourselves, Thurlow and his wife, Kathey, gave us instructions which I soon realized could actually apply to life in general. Here's what they told us:

1.  Find your window (so you can see the director and the stage clearly). - From the top riser, I had a clear view of everybody else's heads. Hmmmm, does she color her hair? Wow, I love that style. Oops, didn't realize he's bald in back . . . I had to check myself, because it was tempting to watch the dancers in front and lose sight of the director. The directors didn't move to make themselves visible to each of us. We had to position ourselves so we could see them. In life, it's vital that we take our eyes off anyone and anything that can distract us. God will make sure we have a "window" so we can always see Him. However, we have to intentionally change our position so we have a clear view of the One who remains constant.

2. Fill your space (with song). - After I discovered my "window," I realized that I had a lot of space to fill. When Thurlow directed us to "fill your space with song" I found myself stepping up to do exactly that. It was a big space, I discovered, and I tried to put as much into it as I could. In 1998, Lynda Ellis wrote a poem called The Dash, referring to the dash (-) on a tombstone placed between the year of birth and the year of death. The dash represents what happens between the time we are born and the time we die. That's our space. We need to fill our space with song, joy, laughter, encouragement. God gives us a big space to fill, but He also equips us to fill it. Put a lot into it and fill your space!

3. Know who's standing next to you (because you'll be standing next to them for a long time). As I looked at the altos to my right and to my left, I realized that I had been practicing with them for ten months but I hadn't taken the time to learn their names. We were just three members of the alto section. However, now that we were designated a place on the risers, we became altos on assignment. In life, we are more than just members blending into the human race. We are individuals on assignment. Besides that, if I forget my place on the risers, I just have to look for Nancy and Meredith and stand between them. Get acquainted with your team. They'll keep you in place.

4. Look like what you are singing (In other words, happy song, happy face). In Act I, we're singing some pretty poppin' songs, like "Boogie-Woogie Santa" and "North Pole Rock & Roll." I confess that we've practiced these songs so many times, I'm often on "automatic" when I sing. My body is present but my mind is elsewhere. Unfortunately, our faces reflect what's going on in our minds--and the looks on our faces can detract from the message. The Apostle Paul said, "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord" (Romans 12:11).  We should never slip into "automatic." Let's keep our excitement for life!

5. Don't sing with the soloists (so they can shine in their moment in the spotlight). The Bible instructs us to honor and prefer other people above ourselves, considering them better than us. This scripture goes against every grain of my flesh. I want to shine, too. Why do they get to be in the spotlight? It's very tempting to sing along with them--but why? Our soloists have incredible voices. They've practiced hard and they deserve their moment at the mic. Singing along is distracting to them and to the audience. The reality is that if we will polish someone else's silver, they will reflect back on us. The more we polish them, the brighter the reflection and the better we'll all look. I WANT the soloists to do great because it will reflect on the whole choir. And, the choir needs to do well because it will reflect on Thurlow and Kathey. Let's polish each other so we can ALL shine.

Being involved with CMI has been a great experience. I haven't just receive lessons in choir directing. I've gleaned some great stuff for life. Thanks, Thurlow & Kathey.

[By the way, visit www.cmichoir.org and plan to attend one of the six performances. Look for me on the risers - top row, far right.]

Marinating in Life's Disappointments

Sometimes life deals us serious blows that derail us, or that even stop us in our tracks. What should we do?

MAKE SHISH-KABOB!

No, I'm not talking about therapeutic cooking. It's . . . well, let me explain with an analogy of my mother's fabulous lamb shish-kabob. My mouth waters just to think about it.


First, she cut the lamb with a sharp knife. Maybe you feel like your circumstance has cut you deeply. Hold on. Something good will come from it. Lamb can't become shish-kabob unless it's cut.

Next, she peeled and chopped onions until her eyes flowed with tears. Crying is actually a healthy emotional release. Let the tears flow.

She combined the cut lamb and chopped onions together in a plastic bag, sealed it and placed it in the refrigerator overnight. You may think you're out of commission, but this is your season to change. I'm not sure what happens between the meat and the onions inside the refrigerator, but SOMETHING is going on there. Just because the light turns off when the refrigerator door closes doesn't mean it's not working. The fridge does its best work when the door is closed. Have opportunities closed and your life has come to a halt? Hold on! Morning's coming!

When my mother pulled the lamb from the fridge the next day, it was incredibly tender and had a new flavor--because it marinated--in the dark--but only for a season.  Don't let life's disappointments toughen you. Embrace them so you can become tender.

When your life is on hold, marinate with the onions. You will emerge with a new "flavor," ready to submerge into the next opportunity.

"Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning."

Psalm 30:5

When Does Change Stop?

Our church will celebrate its 75th anniversary this year (1939-2014). In preparation for the celebration in October, our congregation has spent months cleaning, painting and sprucing up the inside and outside of the building.

When we began the fixing up process, it was easy enough to simply create a list and let people sign up for whatever responsibility they wanted to assume. But as soon as the work began, we realized we had a problem:

When one thing received a makeover, everything else around it looked dingy.

For example, the three heat registers in the foyer have been in need of a fresh coat of paint for years. More than once I thought to myself, "If only those registers could be cleaned up, the rest of the foyer will look great!"  Not true. After the registers received a make-over, the walls screamed, "What about us?" as they flaunted their smudges and fingerprints. Clean the walls and the carpet cops an attitude. Is there any end to it all? We had opened a Pandora's box of cleaning dilemmas.

When you think about it, it's quite similar to what God does in our lives. He shows us one thing that needs to be changed and, often after much struggle, we surrender that "one thing" only to discover there's something else on His to-do list.

Do we ever reach the point when everything on the list is completed and checked off? Apparently not. The Apostle Paul said, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 1:6). Operative words: Until the day of Christ Jesus--the day when He returns for His people.

So, we might as well settle in for a life of continuous change, because once He's completed a once-over in our lives, He circles back to do a do-over.

Now that I think about it, I don't want the change to stop. Do you?

Coaching Myths

 Over the years, I've heard numerous misunderstandings about coaching. Here are three common myths countered by truths that hopefully will clarify misconceptions about the coaching profession.

Myth: Coaching is an alternative for counseling.

Truth: Coaching is all about transformation and growth, which means there must be a degree of health in order for the client to move forward. Counseling or therapy is effective for those people or issues where there is a degree of unhealth. A counselor steps into the person's past and helps them find necessary healing so they can function well in their present. A coach helps move a person from the present to the future.

Myth: Coaches are consultants who are called by a different title.

Truth: Coaching and consulting are vastly different. In a consulting conversation, the consultant is the expert. He listens, assesses and gives his recommendations. In a coaching conversation, the client is the expert. The coach merely listens and responds with questions that will encourage clarity, self-discovery and new awareness. Any action steps are designed by the client and affirmed by the coach.

Myth: Anyone who calls herself a coach is qualified to coach.

Truth: Professional credentialed coaches invest years of time and resources to become the most effective coaches possible. Professional coaches are trained, tested and assessed, and they abide by a high standard of ethics.When seeking out a coach, it is extremely important to verify credentials.


What myths have you heard about coaching? How do you counter those myths? Please share your thoughts.

Has your learning stopped?

Recently I've been in conversation with a few individuals who are in a place of leadership similar to mine. In our discussions, we've learned that we're all facing similar challenges and we have more questions than answers. We've also discovered that it's helpful for us to bring up our questions so together we can process through to satisfactory answers. The more questions we have, the more we process. The more we process, the more clarity we receive. And, the more clarity we receive, the more questions we have.

Picture drawing a spiral that expands in size the more you circle around. No, we aren't going around in circles. We are broadening our perspective while giving support to each other.

Enter the new kid on the block. The one with all the answers and no questions. The guy who appears to be successful and needs no new insights. He's been around the block a few times and he can teach us a thing or two.

When he joined our group, the healthy dynamic of processing changed, because when someone would raise a question, he would jump in with an answer from his perspective. Instead of entertaining more questions like, "What if . . . " or "How about . . ." his input was simply, "Here's what I do . . . and you should do the same thing."

Personally, I would rather grow in a broadening spiral than walk around the same block over and over and over.

Question: When we have answers but no questions, has our learning stopped? When we stop learning, what does that do to our potential to change?

Febreze Leadership

In January, I went on a search to find great leaders and the criteria that makes them great.

Someone recommended Ken Blanchard's book Leading At A Higher Level to me. I read that, plus his book The One-Minute Manager.  Blanchard is in his 70's and has spent decades helping leaders become better than they thought they could become. He shares from his heart of experience, not just from his head of knowledge.

An senior citizen with continually-fresh concepts. How unique is that!

Too many people think they can lead because of what they have read or studied about successful people; and, they know how to implement those learned strategies. The world has enough copycat leaders. What we need is Febreze leadership--people with continually-fresh lessons learned from their own unique experiences. The old, stale odors of yesterday are removed by a fresh spray of shared current learning.

After reading Blanchard's book, I felt refreshed and motivated--not so much to implement his leadership principles, as much as a challenge to look at what I have learned as a leader from my own experiences and how I can enrich others.



Ken Blanchard a great leader because he (1) he continually thinks outside the box; (2) he is generous in sharing his knowledge and experience; and (4) he is secure enough to genuinely want people succeed; and (4) his leadership principles smell good.

If you are leader, what unique-to-you leadership principle can you share with others?